I Do Not Work Out in Sexy Workout Clothes

I do not work out in sexy workout clothes. If you do, I’m not putting you down. I totally envy you; and one day…maybe one day, I TOO will be turning heads in that workout facility. But today? No.

Is it because I haven’t showered? Like it might not quite match how I feel inside? Look at that hottie in the bright orange sports bra. Oh wait, she’s leaving a wake of coffee breath and baby poop….annnnnnd bacon? Is that fried bacon I smell?

Maybe it’s because when I put that fifteen year old way-too-tight sports bra on this morning (obviously to go under my oversized 5K tshirt), I said out loud to self
“is my boob seriously gonna smash out the BOTTOM of this damn thing?”

Could be due to the fact that I’m on day three of putting BedHead dry shampoo to the test. The stakeholders of BedHead have chosen me to be part of a focus group gathering qualitative research on how many days a woman can go without washing her hair before she feels just completely abhorrent. No, I’m not really. It’s my own little test.

The possibility that it’s my jiggly butt doesn’t elude me.

Maybe it’s because I don’t want to miss out on that wow-factor I get upon returning to the child care room. “Wow, who’s *this* lady? Fresh smelling, washed hair, brushed teeth, maybe even a little bit of makeup…this certainly is NOT the woman who dropped the kids off.” Let’s not get crazy…I’m still wearing active wear of some sort and makeup consists of my half Dr. Spock eyebrows being drawn in, a little mascara and some lip gloss. Dontchu worry, my ensemble continues to not make sense.

Not sure, but it could simply be the fact that somewhere between child one and child four I stopped caring about my appearance during everyday routines. And I don’t mean like “oh, she doesn’t look awesome but still socially acceptable”. I’m talking “oh this mama is a hot mess!”
Overtly atrocious.
Basic fundamental hygiene and grooming took a major hit with number four.

These possibilities are endless. I predict it’s about 3+ years before I start wearing hottie workout clothes. (Shrugs) Or never.


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